The Myth of the Strong Independent Woman

In our modern culture there is a certain ideal that has taken hold of a type of woman that is both admired and desired, which I am calling the strong independent woman.

This is a woman who is assertive, competent, capable and in control. She doesn’t need a man, she can do it on her own.

This woman takes charge, and she has bigger ambitions than romance, raising children or following a man.

One definition of strong: able to withstand great force or pressure.

One definition of independent: not requiring or relying on others

The problem is that these words do not apply to the feminine principle. They represent the masculine principle.

The feminine is not designed to withstand great force or pressure. Sometimes it can, but that doesn’t mean it should or will thrive and grow under such conditions. The same goes for reliance on others: the feminine is designed to rely and depend upon others - this is built into the feminine nature.

The true feminine instinct is to rely on our friends and family and partners - in reality we are not designed to do things on our own, we are wired to receive support and assistance and to cocreate within collaboration.

I want to make a note that sexual essence is on a spectrum, meaning that a person's authentic femininity or masculinity can vary from one extreme to the other, and it may be that some women naturally carry more masculine energy. But in general, women are going to fall on the feminine side of the spectrum.

And so, who is this strong independent woman? Typically she is a masculinized woman - a woman in a masculine costume. And why have we idealized the masculine woman?

Because we do not value the feminine essence and the feminine principle. I’ve written more about the feminine principle here.

The reason for this rejection and devaluing of feminine essence distills down to one thing: the feminine essence is vulnerable. It can be very frightening to be vulnerable; the truth is that it requires great courage.

And we can be wounded, and we have. And when we are wounded, our instinct is to protect our wounds and put armor around ourselves. You can read more about wounded feminine energy and feminine armoring here.

Within a masculine value system that admires strength and independence, these softer traits of vulnerability and dependence are seen at some level as weak and repulsive.

And what about the men? Should not the men be still desirous of the soft feminine woman?

In truth, some of them are. In truth, the empowered masculine men are.

But men and women alike have been indoctrinated into this false concept of ideal womanhood.

And many men carry deep wounds as well. The kind of wounds that have compelled them to forget or suppress their true masculine instincts, and thus seek out these traits in their women. An emasculated man will often be drawn to a masculinized woman.

But it’s only a facade. The strong independent woman is, by and large, a myth, because she is not truly herself. She is trying to protect her feminine wounds, while her feminine essence is repressed, hidden beneath the armor, forgotten in the fortress.

This is a destructive ideal to have, because women are on some level going to be comparing themselves to a falsehood, and always coming up short. They are trying to fit their roundness into a square opening, and the result is shame and self-rejection. Rejection of their true feminine nature that longs to soften, be supported, protected and cherished for their vulnerability.