What is Feminine Healing? Understanding Feminine Integration
Something I have noticed today in popular culture is the way that our ideals for women have so dramatically changed. While women used to be celebrated for their radiance, vulnerability and sensitivity, today we see that the ideal woman is often portrayed as one who is strong, accomplished and self-sufficient. In other words, women today are celebrated for expressing their masculine energy.
In a world where women are celebrated for their masculinity, it often does not feel very safe to be soft, receptive and heart-centered. The feminine is very dynamic, so these are not the only expressions of femininity, but these are some of the feminine qualities that seem to have been devalued or forgotten.
Feminine healing is the process of returning to ourselves, trusting our inner knowing, and embracing the parts of ourselves that have been silenced, shamed or distorted by armor.
As with any type of healing, feminine healing begins with cultivating safety. It begin first with creating safety within ourselves, and developing a deep inner knowing of our value.
Is it possible that you have judged yourself for your own feminine qualities? Are there ways that you have forgotten and repressed your own feminine essence? How do you feel about being vulnerable, needing help and letting go of control?
Have you judged other women for their feminine ways?
When we look at the environment that we find ourselves in, it’s no great surprise. As humans, we are mimetic, meaning that we tend to imitate what others are doing. We see other women living in a masculine fashion, and so we do the same. We want to belong and to be accepted. We want to feel respected, valuable and safe. So we put on our armor and we pick up our swords and we disown that sensitive, vulnerable part of ourselves.
Yet sometimes it is this very posturing that can harm us the most. I have written about my thoughts on this posturing and the feminine costumes that we wear here.
I find that another good word for healing is integration, because it helps us to think of healing as more of a remembrance than the fixing of something that is broken. Healers are not fixers, they are guides and facilitators who support others as they remember and return to themselves.
Healing could be thought of as the process of identifying, embracing, integrating and releasing parts of ourselves or parts of our not-selves that came into being during times of stress and insufficient love & support. It is now thought by some that the trauma is formed not by the traumatic event itself, but by the lack of witnessing, empathy and support that we receive around that event.
This is why it is possible to integrate and release trauma from the body when we create enough safety and support in a therapeutic environment.
We are not broken, we are simply very good at adapting to stressful experiences. And sometimes this adaptation can create layers and distortions around our essence to protect us.
We should always protect ourselves from real threats. But sometimes we develop unconscious habits of self-protection that do not actually serve us anymore, and can actually keep away the things that we want in our lives. So in healing there is the opportunity to identify and release these unconscious defensive mechanisms.
Many of us were taught on some level that it isn’t safe to be ourselves, and for many women that it is not safe to be feminine. And yes, unfortunately there are times when our feminine vulnerability is not and has not been safe. Yet this does not mean that we cannot allow her to exist within a container of safety that we can cultivate and create for her.
We can begin creating this safe space within us by learning to love and value these feminine parts of us. The restoration of the feminine principle is important not only for our own health and happiness, but also for our families, communities and societies as a whole.
I have written more about my view on feminine value here.
